Saturday, 22 October 2011

Sincere try.

What brings me to my blog is nothing but an urge to scribble something for the sake of writing. Sadly, i have got an agenda today.

Agenda 1:
It has been 5 years that i have been living in Karachi alone(not really) and that 5 years have instilled a feeling of staying alone forever. By being alone i do not mean that i want a cubicle of my own adorned with my fancies but a space of my own where there is no trespasser. There is no one to intrude or to dictate. I have lived enough and hope to live enough to find my own good(¿) way. What really bothers me is constant badgering from everyone to tread the path they fancy. Why do human beings have this tendency to impose their experiences and choices on others? I think everyone wants to have some following, some social affiliation or association and hence they want that someone should listen to them and follow them. I have got bunch of kibitzers around who have got free and unwanted advice to offer all the time.

Agenda 2:
A feeling of uselessness always hovers over me and probably it has got a thing for me. It is not a mere outcome of nothingness but my inability to do something productive. My productivity is sixty percent directly proportional and thirty percent inversely proportional to envy. I include both proportions as it all depends on my self-reinforcement in that particular task. I grow within a cocoon of envy and how i grow can only be observed as my ability to express will not be sufficient. Let me tell you that i am writing this today also because i have read few blogs and write-ups and envied them and decided to scribble something(¿) at least. Hence, don't take my write-up as an outcome of some creative secretion.

Agenda 3:
One of the trite agendas of mine is that 'i am not reading anything'. It upsets me most that despite having so much time i am not reading anything. I waste my time on my useless pursuit of nothingness and end up feeling useless. 

Before i put this write-up back into drafts, i should publish it. I have a bad habit of not putting anything on blog and letting it rot in drafts.