Confession

"The genesis of my existence lies in the womb of envy."

Jaun Elia (جون ایلیا)



tum jab aaogii to khoyaa huaa paaogii mujhe

merii tanhaaii meN KhwaaboN ke sivaa kuchh bhii nahiiN

mere kamre ko sajaane kii tamanna hai tumheN
mere kamre meN kitaaboN ke sivaa kuchh bhii nahiiN

in kitaaboN ne baDa zulm kiyaa hai mujh par
in-meN ek ramz hai jismeN ramz kaa maaraa huaa zehen

muZda-e-ishrat anjaam nahiiN paa saktaa
zindagii meN kabhii aaraam nahiiN paa saktaa


جون ایلیا



Disclaimer: As usual, my train of thoughts shall not follow one trail. 

Today, I happen to attend an event about Jaun Elia at T2f. It was an informal event and there were hardly ten people and two of them were well-versed about Jaun Elia and gave a talk on him. As for myself, I was aware of the name of Jaun Elia and have seen cover of one of his books in which he with his long hair looking at something. The talk started with a brief introduction written by one of the speakers and was followed by dejection which speakers felt about Elia that he couldn't achieve that fame which other poets did.

Jaun was a poet and philosopher and was well versed in Hebrew, Persian, Arabic and English. Along with his poetic brilliance, he had a great command over language. He was greatly concerned about the technicalities of poetry, which includes meter, diction etc.. I can't write in a proper and coherent way so please let me ramble now. Jaun was a person who believed that poetry is not a part-time job; it's a full-time job. He was a bohemian. He loved his work more than anything and sort of renounced everything and devoted himself completely to his work. I believe that it is utter dedication, devotion and madness that bring the genius out of you. The discussion continued about his work and that how people used to come to him and ask him for help. Those who used to come to him for help was purely for selfish reason. The never came back and paid heed to him when he was not there in hospital. Even some of the contemporary poets who took help from Elia don't give due credit to him. That is why our society is not does not deserve help. They are ruthless people. Jaun had a great command over language and writers like Mushtaq Ahmed Yousufi used to consult him if they had any issues with language. Jaun was meticulous about language. During discussion, I learned that there is no such word as Karobaar. The word is Kaar baar. There was one anecdote narrated during discussion that someone repeatedly said to Elia that '' Lahore tau Lahore hai'' and Elia replied ''Tau Jaani Sukkur kya Islamabad hai?". I may not have quoted it verbatim but precisely that is what he said. He was a witty person.

Jaun was not a family man. He didn't care much about his family and that eventually led to his divorce too. His children don't like him or probably detest him. He was a great poet but not a great father. The question arises that whether this shall overshadow his poetic brilliance or not? Clearly no. It is absolutely ludicrous if an artist is being judged for his poetry on the basis of his lifestyle or what he was in reality. The fact that Elia could pen such sheer brilliance can be attributed to his devotion, dedication and madness for his work. One of the people from audience said that Elia is a wonderful poet but people should not idolize him because he was not a good family man or father. He didn't perform his responsibilities, which includes taking care of his children and being breadwinner of a family. Had he been a family man and good father, would he have been able to come up with poetry of this calibre? Most probably no. If we look at artists in past, this has been the story of many. I am not generalizing or saying that everyone should do some, but this has been the case with many. If they try to perform their worldly duties well, then they will be probably able to only dedicate time to their work. The devotion and madness will not be there, hence under-utilization of creativity. 

In short, artist's creation should not be judged on what he was/is in his real life. It is artist's personal choice and shall be respected.

Thought (incomplete)

"A need to conform with societies' mores not only annihilates 'self' but reduces it to a junk with no self-sufficiency."

The fear of not being able to conform with society is so lethal that an individual agrees to gamble its self and soul. Society is nothing except a bunch of assholes talking about others' asses, and a fearful has to align his/her mindset with that of populace. One needs to realize that society has evolved for worst than for betterment. It has destroyed civilization more than any individual, and now it is destroying 'the crazy ones' collectively. Its aim is to cripple one's ability to think, and it is one's 'own' thought that makes all the difference.

Shikwa

Shikwa - Urdu & English -

Yeh Jo Halka Halka Suroor Hai

http://nfalikhan.wordpress.com/2009/03/22/ye-jo-halka-halka-suroor-hai-10754/

Sincere try.

What brings me to my blog is nothing but an urge to scribble something for the sake of writing. Sadly, i have got an agenda today.

Agenda 1:

It has been 5 years that i have been living in Karachi alone(not really) and that 5 years have instilled a feeling of staying alone forever. By being alone i do not mean that i want a cubicle of my own adorned with my fancies but a space of my own where there is no trespasser. There is no one to intrude or to dictate. I have lived enough and hope to live enough to find my own good(¿) way. What really bothers me is constant badgering from everyone to tread the path they fancy. Why do human beings have this tendency to impose their experiences and choices on others? I think everyone wants to have some following, some social affiliation or association and hence they want that someone should listen to them and follow them. I have got bunch of kibitzers around who have got free and unwanted advice to offer all the time.

Agenda 2:

A feeling of uselessness always hovers over me and probably it has got a thing for me. It is not a mere outcome of nothingness but my inability to do something productive. My productivity is sixty percent directly proportional and thirty percent inversely proportional to envy. I include both proportions as it all depends on my self-reinforcement in that particular task. I grow within a cocoon of envy and how i grow can only be observed as my ability to express will not be sufficient. Let me tell you that i am writing this today also because i have read few blogs and write-ups and envied them and decided to scribble something(¿) at least. Hence, don't take my write-up as an outcome of some creative secretion.

Agenda 3:

One of the trite agendas of mine is that 'i am not reading anything'. It upsets me most that despite having so much time i am not reading anything. I waste my time on my useless pursuit of nothingness and end up feeling useless. 

Before i put this write-up back into drafts, i should publish it. I have a bad habit of not putting anything on blog and letting it rot in drafts.

Bye.